


to be human (is to love)

by Nyame



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Humor, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-23 21:45:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12517244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyame/pseuds/Nyame
Summary: Barry Allen had four great loves throughout his life. Every single one of them broke his heart.(then, one by one, they piece it back together)





	1. the painful, foolish thing

**Iris West**

When five-year-old Barry Allen meets five-year-old Iris West, it’s love at first sight – at least for him.

Five years later, and that doesn’t change. Iris is his guiding light, shining as brilliantly as the North Star in the sky. Even with his mother dead, even with his father wrongly imprisoned, Barry feels he can take on the world as long as she is by his side. She is the rock that he leans on in the face of every hardship that comes their way. Barry wants to tell her, but he _can’t_ , because he can’t lose her.

Thirteen years later, a lightning bolt changes everything. He tells her too late.

She doesn’t choose him. Even with irrefutable proof that they are meant to be, even though everyone, including him, including Eddie, including _her_ , knows that she loves him more than anyone else – _anything_ else, Iris still doesn’t choose him. She claims it’s because she wants to choose her own fate. Barry accepts it with grace, but some dark part of himself is seething because it knows she’s lying. She just doesn’t want to admit that she’s choosing the wrong guy. He buries it deep, so the whispers won’t blacken his heart.

And then he lets her go.

* * *

**“Jay Garrick”**

When Barry Allen meets “Jay Garrick”, it’s somewhere between love and hate.

Love, because “Jay” is oh-so-handsome and muscular and strong and charming. Hate, because “Jay” is all those things and more, seemingly better than Barry, someone who easily fits into the heroic mold that Barry has been desperate to fill. An admirable figure that effortlessly ingratiates himself with the rest of the team. To say nothing of that gut feeling, that little voice in Barry’s head that remains suspicious of “Jay”, representing the cynicism developed in the wake of Dr. Wells’ betrayal.

One Sand Demon later, Barry squashes out the voice and welcomes “Jay” with open arms. After that, it’s a gradual process. He and “Jay” dance around each other, train and laugh and train some more. It’s a natural process, of feelings and perhaps even love, and Barry finds himself falling. It’s not long until Christmas and the process ends with a kiss. Barry feels like he’s finally ready to move on.

Then “Jay” dies.

Then, it turns out “Jay” is a lie.

The man Barry loves is a lie, and he let him in until he was so strongly entrenched that Barry finds himself torn, even when Hunter takes his speed and steals him away to Earth-2. Hunter is nothing like “Jay”. Hunter is callous and cruel, lacking empathy, lacking humanity. And Barry _hateshateshateshates_ him until he falls in love with the monster spawned by a broken man forged through war and a housewife that didn’t leave until a bullet was shot into her face. His heart is too big, he knows, but when Hunter flashes back to that memory he can’t help but try to comfort him. And Hunter claims to love him, and Barry is too besotted to care if it’s a lie.

And yet, it is because Barry’s heart is too big that he can’t stay. No matter how much he loves Hunter, no matter how much Hunter loves him, neither of them can stray from the paths they’ve chosen. So he leaves for home, and joins with his friends and becomes one with the Speed Force. He stands tall against Hunter, against this army of metahumans that _dare_ to threaten his city, more powerful than ever before.

No power, however, prepares him for Hunter Zolomon’s hand through Henry Allen’s chest.

He screams, he rages, he beats Hunter’s time remnant within an inch of his life, and now, there is no going back. Hunter proposes a race – Barry rejects and demands a duel to the death.

And they fight, and oh, it is a glorious battle. They beat each other down all over town, and Central City is even more of a wreck, all fire and carnage. But in the end, Barry wins. He wins, and it is hollow. So when Hunter tries to stay the killing hand, professes to still love Barry, Barry stands down.

He slams their lips together, all the love and hate and everything in between coalesced in a single, brutal kiss. And when it’s all said and done, Barry smiles.

“I love you too, Hunter.”

The portal opens, and the dark wraiths signaling impending doom make their appearance.

“That’s why I hate you so much.”

And Barry finally lets go, allowing his once-lover to be embraced by the waiting arms of eternity.


	2. and it's never quite enough

**Eobard Thawne**

When Barry Allen meets Eobard Thawne, he has no idea who he is.

But, then again, he has no clue to what his own identity is either. Everything is a blur – just a hint of lightning and a scream, one that he can’t make out. And here he is, stuck in a silver, futuristic world, the faint vestiges of memory ghosted away.

In all the silver, Eo is golden. He takes Barry in, helps him acclimate to this new time, where everything is foreign in a way that languages aren’t. Eo is _kind_ and if Barry had anything to remember, he would be surprised. But he doesn’t, so nothing stops him from giving his heart to Eo.

The only thing that startles him is Eo’s obsession with the Flash. Eobard Thawne _loves_ the Flash in a way he’ll never love Barry – the adulation of a fan, the admiration of an impossibly perfect idol. Barry is there when Eo gains his speed, and Barry is there when the illusion shatters. All the while, a knot twists in his gut, for reasons he still can’t comprehend.

The day Barry remembers is the day Eo learns the Flash’s name, and after that, it all falls apart.

This time, Barry doesn’t want to let go, but Eobard doesn’t give him a choice.

* * *

**Caitlin Snow**

When Barry Allen meets Caitlin Snow, it is his first day in a whole new world.

It is many years, however, before they even entertain the idea of being more than friends. Friends, because when they met Barry still loved Iris and Caitlin still love Ronnie who came back only to die for real this time. Then there was “Jay”-Hunter, Eo, and Flashpoint –

Well.

But after Flashpoint, there is something _more_ to their relationship, something that has been building ever since that day in the Particle Accelerator, ever since he took her to that trashy karaoke dive bar, so they could drown out all their sorrows. Caitlin is broken, but so is Barry – he’s broken in ways that not even she can quite understand.

So they stop ignoring it and latch on to each other, and Barry knows it shouldn’t be so _easy_ to fall when your heart has been ripped out so many times that you wonder if it’s still beating. Yet, it is, and for a short while, Barry is happy. Happy, even though that little piece of him is just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Barry _hates_ that part of himself, because it’s _always_ right. The shoe drops, and Savitar makes his presence known.

Then comes Killer Frost, who is just one sin in the boatload that Barry has to bare.

And even though they stand victorious at the end, one friend less, Caitlin still wants to leave.

The only thing Barry regrets is how much easier it is to let her go than the rest, because she wasn’t his first, and he wasn’t hers, and that shouldn’t matter at all until it does.


	3. forever and a day

**Iris West (take two)**

Barry loves Iris first.

Eddie died before Iris and him could be anything more, and Iris mourned and _mourned_ until Barry took one of his unadvised trips to the past to stop “Jay”-Hunter. Just a few choice words to a still living Eddie is all it takes, and Barry has a little video on his phone to provide this one comfort to his closest friend.

But when Iris stops mourning, she starts seeing. She starts seeing Barry, _really_ seeing him. She starts remembering his time with “Jay”-Hunter and that inexplicable flare of jealousy she felt every she saw them together. She had attributed that to Eddie, but now she has no choice but to admit that isn’t true. And her heart just fractures just a little bit more after Barry’s jaunt with Eobard, and his passionate intimacy with Caitlin leaves her reeling. Iris loves Barry, has _always_ loved Barry even when she was with Eddie, when she was as clueless about his feelings as a newborn. When the truth is so starkly in front of her, and after Savitar, after almost _dying_ because she was still Barry’s rock, still his closest confidant and friend, and losing her would break him more than anything else ever has and ever will – Iris finds that she can’t keep lying.

When Barry returns from the Speed Force, she tells him. And after years of hoping, years of _waiting_ …Barry rejects her.

Barry rejects her because Barry is _human_. He loved Iris West before he even knew what love was, and that less-than-admirable piece of him that he has always been terrified of he now acknowledges as a part of him. As a reminder of his fallacy, and because of that, Barry makes the realization that he is _bitter_. Bitter at Iris because he chose her _first_ and she pushed him away for someone else, someone that they all knew she didn’t love as much as she did him. And he doesn’t hate Eddie, who was his friend and gave his life so they all could live, but he can’t help but resent him because deep down, they all knew he was just a place holder for Barry and Iris chose the place holder over the real thing because she didn’t want to admit the truth. After “Jay”-Hunter and Eo and Flashpoint and Caitlin – Barry can’t go back. Not anymore.

Yet as much as Barry is bitter, he knows better now. He can’t keep these things bottled up, the consequences too much to bear, so he tells her, because she needs to know. And by the end there are tears, _so many tears_ , and that hurts but it’s the truth, so Iris just nods her head and goes her way. Their friendship is cools for many months afterwards, but Barry is okay with that because Barry is hurting and some part of him can’t stand to see the girl who was the first to fragment his heart into two.

It doesn’t last.

It doesn’t last because no matter he resents Iris, Barry can’t hate her. Barry loved her first, loved her the most, and despite everything, he knows it won’t be forever. So just when the frigid silence becomes the norm, the Apocalypse comes and at the end of it all, where Barry has just saved the world for the nth time, he spontaneously claims her lips, because he is as much of a fool as she is.

There are screams. And arguing. And more screams. And lots of hitting.

But they make it through, and everything afterwards is continuous bliss. Bliss with marriage, with children, with everything Barry had ever imagined and dreamed of with Iris, with the added charge of superheroics. The years go by and by and by, and Iris is on her deathbed, and Barry is still in the body of a thirty-year-old –

Barry Allen loved Iris West first, because he knew she would be the first to go.


	4. whatever happened to forever?

**Eobard Thawne (secundus)**

Eo is the second one that Barry allows back into his heart.

Part of it is because Eo should not even exist anymore. Eo forfeited that right years and years before he was born, when he shoved a knife in Nora Allen’s heart and refused to accept his punishment for the crime. And while Barry does not forget that – can _never_ forget that – it’s been two centuries since. He let that particular burden to lie years ago, and he’s ready to forgive.

Eo loved both Barry and the Flash before he ever realized they were one and the same. And when one broke his heart and the other turned out to be him, only from another time and place, well, Barry can’t exactly blame him for snapping after that. Despite everything that’s happened between them, Barry loved Eo, and always will. In the face of that, it’s only logical that they try again.

It isn’t easy, of course, but it never is. There are less screams and yelling then there were with Iris, but there is a _lot_ more hitting.

Eo is the hesitant one this time around. He isn’t as compassionate as Barry. He isn’t as kind. And his ego is far, far larger than his heart. But when it comes down to it, Barry is his life, and has been ever since he was a child.  He loves Barry and Barry loves him, and they spend next four centuries together in blessedness.

Then comes war, and devils and angels and Eo is holding on until –

Eobard Thawne is the second person that Barry Allen let into his heart, because Barry knew he wouldn’t let go until he had no choice.


	5. tethered

**Caitlin Snow (remix)**

Barry’s third love is Caitlin.

 It is two centuries after Eo’s death before Barry even entertains the idea of another relationship. Iris may have been first in his heart but Eo was around for a lot longer than she was, and in a way, it makes the pain infinitely worse. He knew Iris would die one day – but Eo was supposed to be eternal with him.

And Barry has not only lost lovers, but also friends and family. While his legend endures, Oliver Queen has long faded from the world. Joe and Harry are ghosts at the edge of his memory. Not even Wally and Jesse are here to share in his grief, having given their lives in one of the many world-saving crises that dotted throughout history, both now one with the Speed Force. The Legends are people displaced in time; they have not endured the countless centuries with him. His most consistent companion is Cisco, whose all too powerful hand now manipulates the fabric of reality itself and is rarely present in his timeline. Kara is still here with him, except not – while her lifespan may very well be forever, she is forever bound to another earth, another world. And then there’s Caitlin.

Caitlin, whose life is an everyday struggle against the darkness in her heart. Who cannot die, because she is a vacuum of heat in a world that is continuously baking in a nigh-immortal sun. Even one attempt at taking her life will bring out Killer Frost to play, and that is something no one wants. Caitlin is perhaps the one person in the world that has every right to hate him.

And yet, with Iris and Eo gone, she is all he really has left. For his own sake, he has no choice but to reconnect.

Caitlin was his friend before she was his lover and Barry would’ve been content with that. He didn’t have any right to ask her for more. It is _Caitlin_ who pursues him, who pushes for something beyond friendship. Iris is dead, has been for close to a millennium now, and Ronnie passed on to the next world much earlier than she did. Eo became one with the Speed Force two centuries ago. And Hunter – well, he hasn’t been in the picture for a long time, and won’t be. Ever.

Thus, it only makes sense that Barry doesn’t push her away.

Despite how easily they get together, their actual relationship is the real test. Caitlin has her demons, and Barry has his, and that proves to be the trial. In a way, it is an opposite to his relationships with Iris and Eo – getting together was the hard part, but after that it was smooth sailing. Here, Barry and Caitlin find themselves on an emotional roller coaster. They fight and make up all the time. The ups and the downs and all the dancing around leave everyone they know (which these days amounts to two people at most) in a tizzy. But they keep trudging forward. Caitlin helps fill in all the holes left behind, and finds her way into places Barry didn’t realize he left empty. Barry leans on her more than he has with anyone else, even Iris. And the centuries go by, and it’s close to a thousand years of a co-dependent, dysfunctional relationship before it finally ends.

It ends when Caitlin finally finds a way to die.

And no matter how much they love each other, Caitlin has never been as strong as Barry. And Barry – Barry isn’t enough.

This time, letting go isn’t easy at all. Barry fights it and fights it and even Killer Frost is not enough to stop him but Cisco is and Cisco is a traitor –

Barry Allen’s third love is Caitlin Snow, because she was the best and worst parts of Iris West and Eobard Thawne all rolled into herself, and he couldn’t imagine a life without her.

 


	6. you and I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is - the final chapter.
> 
> WARNING: This chapter is much longer than the rest.

**Hunter Zolomon**

Hunter is last.

* * *

 It takes _centuries_ for Barry to forgive Cisco. But when you’re immortal metahumans who have lived over hundreds of lifetimes, time passes by far, far faster than it should. Cisco is one of the only two people Barry has left, and Barry can only hold a grudge for so long when he’s so _alone_. When he finally accepts Caitlin’s choice and moves on is when he lets Cisco back into his life.

And not a moment too soon, because against all rhyme and reason, Hunter returns.

* * *

Barry loves Hunter. And hates him.

Hunter is unlike all the others, a whole of something onto himself. He isn’t Iris, who was the one that kept Barry steady when his entire world collapsed in one night. He isn’t Eo, whose love was born of deep admiration and idolization and whose hate was born of ego and hurt and misplaced retribution. He isn’t Caitlin, who was tattered by continuous loss and chained to him by mutual understanding.

Hunter is a monster.

“Jay Garrick” was different; “Jay Garrick” would’ve been one of the lost lovers that Barry would’ve grieved and mourned. However, “Jay Garrick” was just a lie fabricated by Hunter Zolomon, so Barry mourns him the way a child would bemoan how Santa and the Easter Bunny were never real – that is, just in a far more bitter and resentful fashion.

Yet, if there’s anything that Barry resents about Hunter Zolomon more than “Jay Garrick”, it’s that Barry is still in love with him. They are a mishmash of the Knight and the Dragon and Beauty and the Beast and that has its own slew of problems. Barry doesn’t have a chance to really ponder over it, since Hunter’s return to his life as something that _isn’t_ out of the deepest pits of speedster hell coincides with him trying to take over the multiverse.

* * *

 A century goes by before Barry learns Hunter is in the living world.

During that time, Hunter has established an identity in modern society and climbed up the social ladder. For a speedster, one who was already reasonably intelligent before the Speed Force got involved and had nothing to tie him to his previous life (being a sociopathic serial killer and all), adapting to a futuristic world is a cakewalk. By the time Barry is aware of his presence, Hunter is already a celebrated and entrenched politician, next-in-line to rule the world. Meaning, Barry can’t _do_ anything to him as the Flash without justifiable reason.

Thus, Barry must use one of his many established cover identities – the admired but reclusive owner of S.T.A.R. Labs, whose name has conveniently never been released to the public until now. S.T.A.R. Labs is now the most prestigious research facility on the planet thanks to Barry and Eo’s hard work, dating back almost three millennia, and almost all references to its second owner in both public and private record has been wiped clean. Nobody is going to connect a CSI from the barbaric twenty-first century to the renowned scientist and proprietor that shares his name thousands of years later – not without looking like a lunatic, at least.

Barry becomes famous overnight, and it only takes a little finagling to arrange a meeting with next would-be dictator that is his ex-boyfriend. So, Barry arrives to the nice, looming government building where all those big-shot politicians have their offices, climbs (or rides an elevator, but it’s still climbing in a way) to the highest room on the tallest tower, and upturns the corners of his lips as the overworked secretary informs her boss that his 1:00 appointment is here. Hunter greets him, not even perturbed to see him, all smiles as he tells the poor woman to clear his schedule for the rest of the day and take off herself, right before he shuts and locks the door and kills the surveillance.

Then he punches Barry in the face.

Like all big-shot politicians, Hunter soundproofed his office – thus, nobody hears the loud thumping when Barry retaliates with a punch of his own. Or the fists that start flying, the kicks that are added to the equation and suddenly that ugly vase sitting on Hunter’s desk finds its way to Barry’s hands and shattered by his ex’s head. An hour of shameless brawling goes by and when it’s all over, the spacious office resembles a war zone, filled with broken debris and two softened pieces of bloody meat. For a moment, Barry and Hunter stare each other down, panting like dogs in the heat, as they try to peel themselves off the floor.

It isn’t clear who makes the first move, but suddenly mouths are slanted against one another and someone’s hand is up the other’s shirt –

* * *

 After that small lapse in… _control_ , they finally get around to talking.

Or yelling. Whatever you want to call it.

It goes like this: Barry demands to know what Hunter’s planning. Hunter laughs. Hunter gloats. Hunter refuses to tell his plan because he learned his lesson after last time. Barry threatens. Hunter calls bluff. Hunter starts taunting. Repeat about four or five times.

Later, as he’s storming out the door, that small part of Barry that irritates him with how right it always is, morosely reflects on how _predictable_ the entire confrontation was.

Barry astutely ignores it this time, because Barry is plotting. And Barry plotting never leads to anything good.

* * *

 The thing is, Barry _knows_ villains.

He’s been around the bend with them for ages, a scant score and change after his birth to now, where people can teleport to other planets from their own homes. He was married to a bonafide supervillain for close to four hundred years. He was common-law married to another for a _thousand_ years. He’s seen it all. And as dangerous as Hunter is, there is nothing he can come up with that Barry hasn’t experienced before.

Worse yet, Barry knows how to _think_ like a villain. He’s under no illusion that what he did to Hunter all those years ago would have been considered unnecessarily cruel had the victim been anyone else. And that was before he spent centuries living and cohabiting with two different criminals.

Hunter is the type of enemy that a person must think like to beat. And Barry…well, let’s say living a nigh-eternal life tends to erode your standards of morality and ethics a bit.

Hunter Zolomon is now a popular, establishment politician. In the face of that, Barry Allen concocts the most diabolical plan ever conceived by a superhero.

He becomes a _lobbyist_.

* * *

 If there is anything that Barry has learned over the years, it’s that some things never change.

Politics is one of them.

The concept of bribery has existed since the dawn of time. Of course, its nicer, politically correct, PR-friendly label known as “lobbying” only entered the lexicon somewhere around three millennia ago, but it’s not like the relative infants that surround Barry these days are even peripherally aware of that. He imagines his younger, and far, far more innocent self would be horrified that he would even dare to embark on such a “career”, but that was then, and this is now, and Barry finds that he doesn’t really care anymore.

Of course, Barry still has _some_ principles – he doesn’t lobby for anything that could be detrimental to the physical well-being of his fellow citizens. Or for tax cuts for the rich. Really, anything that is not in the favor of the less fortunate. Or could be construed for discrimination.

No, Barry goes _left_. So far left that he might as well be in space. He goes for the star whale activists, the potheads that want to legalize alien weed, advocates for bio-mechanic marriages. He goes for the progressive causes, the ones that no sane fat cat would _dare_ to take a firm stance on for fear of political suicide. Normally, such support would be ultimately useless because of the lack of mainstream attention, but Barry has got money to burn and Kara’s unparalleled media mastery to draw on, so it just takes a few trillion and some whispers in the right ears until they’re _all_ mainstream and taking a side is paramount for the next election.

While Hunter is, unfortunately, still the primary elect for top autocrat, all his allies and enemies are scrambling to gain ground and thus he’s stuck as a lame duck until he figures out where he needs to stand so he won’t be a one-term despot. Which sucks for him, as to become an _infinite_ -term despot, lame duck is the _last_ thing he wants to be.

But Barry doesn’t stop there. It’s only takes some idle comments and a little bit of manipulation, and it isn’t long before he meets Hunter in a public setting. And as the biggest donor since ever, Hunter can’t afford to blow him off. They’re both unfailingly polite, allowing people to forecast a potential alliance and even a possible friendship in their future. Barry can just feel the way Hunter is internally seething, judging by the knuckle-white grip every time they shake hands.

Barry enjoys trolling his erstwhile lover. He sees it as payback for all those fateful years ago when Hunter played mind games with him. So maybe, he pushes the envelope a bit and starts appearing at every major political and PR event where they will inevitably run into another. Now Barry _knows_ his younger self and many, many others in his life would’ve disapproved, but the way Hunter’s eyes bore into his back whenever he’s not looking is worth every bit of their displeasure.

They’re intrinsically tied together in their public lives, that all it would take is one major scandal for one to take down the other. Since Barry doesn’t really give a damn about his public life and would be content living as a hermit for another five hundred years, Hunter is stuck bending over backwards to keep him appeased.

Now _that_ , Barry considers a job well done.

* * *

Barry is smiling as he RSVPs for the next State Dinner.

At the sight of Hunter’s glare, he gives himself a mental pat on the back.

* * *

It can’t carry on, because Hunter is a stubborn, persistent, wily bastard who isn’t afraid to brute force his way into getting what he wants.

If he hadn’t been, then he would’ve managed to reclaim his body and sanity and escape the Speed Force. Hunter is still a master schemer, and has had thousands of years to stew over his defeat and plan his conquest, and he isn’t giving up without a fight. It takes him a lot of thinking, but it isn’t long before he realizes what Barry has – some things don’t change at all. It takes some maneuvering, but the trap is set, and all he needs is the mouse to spring it.

* * *

Barry is a paranoid person. Any experienced superhero is.

That’s why he’s half-tempted to decline Hunter’s invitation to the inauguration – as his _personal guest_. Every single one of his senses are screaming that there’s a catch. Hunter might play all nice-nice with him out in public, but he also takes every fathomable step to keep them separate without actually being separate.  But unfortunately, for his ploy to work, he needs to be politically active. Refusing to attend the political event of the year projects the opposite image.

As he confirms his attendance, Barry can’t help but feel that he’s made a huge mistake.

* * *

The inauguration goes off without a hitch. Barry still has that nervous twitch running through him.

Just like all those years ago with Caitlin, he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And just as well, it does.

Hunter is at the tail end of his speech, but right before the closing statement he calls for Barry to come up to the stand. Barry is confused and desperately wants to decline, but he can’t, so he makes his way up the steps.

Hunter goes down on one knee.

Barry has never wanted to murder someone more in his entire life.

_(he ignores the fluttering in his stomach and the way his heart skips a beat_ )

Then he shoves his hand down his pocket, takes out the cubic case, and opens it to reveal the diamond ring.

It takes every bit of Barry’s self-control not to pitch the bastard into the crowd.

Yes, some things never, _ever_ change. And one of those things is the way people eat up a love story.

As Hunter slips the ring onto his finger, Barry can see the ghost of a smirk on his face, and grits his teeth.

* * *

The next day, when they finally have room and time to themselves, he takes off the ring, because despite what it symbolizes, it’s a nice piece of jewelry and he doesn’t want to break it.

This time, Barry throws the first punch, and everything spirals downward from there.

* * *

It’s the wedding of the century.

Barry should know, he’s attended many of them.

While being single is no longer the death knell to a political career like it was in the twentieth to twenty-first century, it’s still very rare. Citizens like to see their leaders in healthy, fulfilling relationships – ones that are romantic and sexual and _permanent_. It gives them hope for their own love lives. And nothing, _nothing_ is going to top the sexy bachelor called the President of the Earth proposing to his new and very attractive close friend that he fell for at first sight. A close friend that was a recluse until recently and is still the talk of the town.

It was a master blow. Not only does this forever cement Hunter’s popularity with the masses up to a certain level, it also provides a sufficient distraction from all the issues that Barry has recently put a spotlight on. _Panem et circenses_ – bread and circuses. When push comes to shove, give the people some food and entertainment so they won’t notice the real problems. And Barry _couldn’t_ say no – not without tanking any good will he had and taking himself out of the game completely. It was a beautiful move, worthy of a tried and true King.

Alas, Barry is also a King. He does what he does best, and turns things to his advantage.

It _will_ be the wedding of the century – no, the _millennia_. And it will be broadcast live, in front of the entire universe. So, Barry surmises, it’s only fair that the universe watch _every. single. step_ of the planning process. With the bride _and_ groom.

* * *

Kara is a wonderful, amazing person and anyone who says otherwise Barry will brutally murder.

She is _so_ going to be the maid of honor this time. Cisco can be the flower girl for all he cares.

* * *

Barry arrives to Hunter’s office one morning unannounced with no scheduled appointment, because the new secretary figured that her boss’ fiancé had the _carte blanche_ to show up whenever he wanted. Barry does, if only because Hunter knows that saying otherwise would only raise questions and wouldn’t stop Barry anyway. He arrives with a retinue of cameras and space Oprah, and surprises his husband-to-be with _wedding planning_.

After all, a _lot_ goes into planning a wedding. First, they must determine what type of wedding they want – there’s traditional western, Asian, middle eastern, Kryptonian, Martian, etc. Not to mention whether they want a religious slant. Plus, The Wedding Party (Kara is the only sure bet). And the guests – oh, the guests. They don’t want to snub anyone important, do they?

Then there’s the color palette. The flowers. The food. The venue. The transportation. The entertainment. The officiant. The honeymoon (which they both have been deliberately ignoring). The vows. The bachelor parties. The dates. The formal wear. The _cake_.

For the first time in his life, Hunter Zolomon is completely out of his depth, and Barry Allen is enjoying every moment of it.

It is petty revenge and Barry knows it, but Barry has been formally married twice and experienced the stress of it all with Iris and Eo, so why should Hunter be any different?

* * *

They make it through somewhat intact – if only because their shared healing factor makes bruises fade in hours, if not minutes.

* * *

On the morning of the wedding, for the first time in a _long_ time, Barry wonders what the hell he’s doing. Somehow, a plot to undermine Hunter’s would-be gradual dictatorship of every planet in the known universe has turned into this. Barry is marrying his worst enemy in front of countless strangers, in a time where almost everyone he loved is long dead. He should be panicking, trying to find some way to push it back, if not call it off all together.

He’s not doing any of these things. He’s calm – perhaps even eager. And in the face of that, Barry remembers a time, somewhere after “Jay” but before Henry Allen had a hand in his chest. A time where he was scared and so very, very angry; powerless, at the mercy of the greatest evil has ever known. Until the evil became a man who had life as he knew it taken from him as a child and never managed to regain so much as a sliver of it back. And Barry, whose heart was always too big, saw that man, and fell in love all the same.

* * *

When he finally makes it to the altar, Hunter lightly grasps his hand. Barry doesn’t push it away, and squeezes back.

* * *

And life goes on and on, and they still play this stupid game, but Hunter’s still here, he’s still _here_ , and he’ll _always_ be here –

* * *

Hunter Zolomon is last.

He is Barry Allen’s last love, because he was the one Barry was never supposed to love at all, and that was something neither of them could quite let go.

 


End file.
